Well, tonight was fun. I enjoy spending time with friends, meeting new people, laughing immensely, and overall having a good time. Tonight though makes me want the one thing I can't really have.
I have never had relationship with a member of the opposite sex, but never in my life have I had the want to have one so bad. The only thing though, is I realize that I am not ready for one.
If I were to be in a relationship, I need to be firmly planted in the Lord and have a strong relationship with Him first before a human. I don't feel that I have that strong relationship and it hurts. Ever since the plague hit, I can't seem to get back on track. I know what an awesome feeling I had when I was with the Lord. It was indescribable. Spiritual highs are so much better than other ways of getting high whether it be drugs or what I know, music.
Sometimes, I think that God is punishing me by not letting me have a guy, but I know that He doesn't punish me for not having a strong relationship with Him. It's more like He is my loving Father who is looking out for me.
If I were to have significant other in my life and He wasn't a godly person, I know that I would fall deeper into a rut that has been in my life for two years now. Yes, two years. As I am laying here writing this, I realize it's been that long and it amazes me. Wow.
I'm listening to music right now and I realize that God gave me music to satisfy myself and I am being too greedy and wanting more. I feel selfish, but my heart yearns for someone to share my secrets, laugh with, keep me warm at night while watching a movie, and all the things a life partner and friend would give. Music doesn't do that. I feel like I can't have what I want, and it makes me feel selfish, and I realize how bad I sound.
Someday maybe I will be with a certain someone, maybe not. But Lord, if you are reading this (which is kinda a silly pondering to ponder) please, please?
I'm sorry, I needed a place to share my thoughts and my blog is my own personal spot to do that. Thank you for reading my rants and rambles and everything else in between. You deserve a cookie.
Seale
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2 comments:
So I'm probably going to be completely cliche & end this whole little comment with a nice little bible verse but I don't care. Bible verses can make anyone feel better, I believe. My Brittany. My favorite, favorite little Brittany. Guess what? I feel the same sometimes, girl. Shocker, I know. But let's be real. God is in complete control. Read that again. God is in COMPLETE control. I have to remind myself of this daily as well so no worries. He has our lives going exactly how they should be going. Yes a husband/significant other/boyfriend is a big deal of life. But once again, He is in control. He will bring that man into your life when the time is right. "But Betsy, I'm ready now! I'm tired of waiting!" is probably what you're saying. and all I can say to that is just trust. Trust in Him. Trust that He is in control of you. He will never ever let you down. Do NOT stress about this, Brittany. Every single girl here is feeling the EXACT same feelings right now. We're growing up, & it's scary. Like, super scary. But just stop for a moment. Re-adjust. & keep going. Keep walking down the path Jesus has you on. He will not let you down. I love you. Truly, I do. I know everything I've said is stuff you've heard a million times but sometimes it's good to hear it again. Keep your head up, girl. You're tough & you can do this.
-Betsy
"Therefore I tell you, DO NOT WORRY about your life. Don't worry about what you will eat or drink or about your body. Is life not more important than these things? Look at the birds of the sky. They do not sow or reap, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not more valuable than they?"
Matthew 6:25-26
Dearest Pooh ... I love the response that Betsy gave to you and believe wholeheartedly in it. Thank you, Betsy for being in my sweet Pooh's life at just the right time.
Sweetie, as she said, God is in complete control. You have given yourself to Him, you are re-dedicating yourself to Him and He has marvelous things planned for you. You CAN have both loves - music and companion - through HIM.
My OBU days were spent with the same want - husband, home, children - yet, as I look back on these last years, I know that HE had me where he wanted & needed me to be. If I had had a husband & children, I would not have been in the position to be in your life, in the life of your sisters, and the lives of the other children who needed me at that time.
God has a plan for your life. Give yourself over to His plan and you will find your are satisfied. Doesn't mean you won't long for things you don't have, from time to time, but in that quiet place where it is just you and your Father, you will know peace and His Love and grace.
Don't be stubborn, just wait. God is currently working on you ... shaping you for the person He plans for you to become. And that someone special? Well, God is currently working on him as well .. shaping him for the person He plans for HIM to become. When the two of you are ready, He will bring you together. Watch and pray for that time.
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